thoughts

i once read this quote on erykah badu's website that life is process of creation instead of one of discovery. i like that idea. being a creative person isn't about being "artsy" or having locks or burning inscents. everyone can, and should, in a sense, be a creative person. the core of me is getting stronger. i'm finding that i have energy to focus. the strength to drag a good a idea out of the realm of thought. as i'm getting older i'm finding that it's not that people don't have good ideas. it's just the followthru that trips so many people up. ask me how i kno...
i guess i had a bit of luck here lately. a while back, by boy evan was back from college and chocolate who plays drums was chillin with his girls at some jazz club that had this band wit some cats from VCU. we end up sitting in, which is to say, the whole band got up, and we sat down. i think towards the end the guitar player ending up sitting in with us. now i feel like our all being that was tacit prophecy.
about 2 weeks ago, i'm in the area and i decide to go in that same cafe and ask the lady for some gigs. no cds, no kit, no nothin. just off a whim. cigarette in hand, she pulls out her calender and starts showing me dates. meyes watering i ask "well don't u need to hear us?" she said, "well ur good right?" and there we have it.
so this is kinda sorta a big deal because it's getting to the point where i have to choose something to do with my life. like committ to something. i'm like a lot of like natural gifts but i don't feel as tho i've been the best steward of them. in terms of learning my craft, practicing, managing my time. but at the same time a guess everybody has to grow up. life isn't just music and everything that i've been through makes me who i am as a (muhfuggin beautiful) person, and your experiences also inform your playing. but having said that, i say i want to be a (jazz) piano player but yet i'm sporadic about my practicing, college seems far away and most of my playing is being done inside soandso's Baptist Church. i think there's a group of cats in Richmond who are started to take me in, and i'm thankful for that. but that's all somebody elses stuff. i want to do my thing. what is my thing? fuck if i kno! i don't think i've taken the time it really takes to find out.
so that's why playing a trio gig right now, at this moment really really really means a lot to me. in a lot of ways. we rehearsed today for like 6 hours and i was just so drained mentally afterwards. the idea of conceptualizing music is hard enough, and then one has to learn how to communicate. i'm nowhere close to that but this felt like a step in that direction. i wrote out a transcription of Peter Martin's arrangement of "You'd B So Nice 2 Cum Home 2" (i kno) and i arranged "Tomorrow" from Annie. No orginials yet but i'm sure they will come. i'm sure it will come. what?

all of it. until then...we playing 7-11 on Sunday the 11th of May at the Artist Underground. 1600 Monument Ave.

cool. peace--Calvin