yoooooooo!

so much on my mind and heart right now. it's been a while since I posted. the past year had been: horrendous, miraculous, dark, scary yet i'm better because of it. my faith is more than what it was. and this is simply because i'm still here breathing. life was the book i read. faith is the wisdom i gained.
in retrospect i understand that like maybe i did too much. online. there was a time in my life when i was out of control and everyone could see everything. which was cool except for that fact that i myself was blind. and that can be kind of embarrassing. like having something stuck in your teeth. makes you grimace when you remember smiling...
so now there's his hesitance...to write, even to play the piano. to articulate things. i just want to be sure i can see myself. and at the same time thats what the blog or a diary was supposed to be about. and i guess involving other people in that process is just a matter of exchanging ideas. we make each other better. dig me?
the online world is funny. u see the randommest things. u keep up with people that otherwise you wouldn't call or write. It's so wierd I saw a lot of my friends finally like getting what they want in life...my boy just pledged alfa beta whatever (LOLfrats always make me thing of like, abc soup, don't ask) and 2 of my girls are in the process of pledging. my friends in new york are making moves, performing and recording on there own and with some big names. and i'm so happy for them all. the pictures are great. so much in a picture. i don't know about a thousand words but they're definately happy. and that's great to see.
so here i am: at home staying in the same bed i stayed in for the first 18 years of my life. in a state that i'm not crazy about. i'm not playing that much, though i would like to be. it's hard to say that you really go to a college if you don't stay on campus. so i go to school and pass by all these gorgeous people who are probably (hopefully?) cool and smart and it's like i could just touch them and or least say hello but i don't. and the painful part is that i could but i don't.
i don't know. it's a challenging place to be in. i'm thankful for so much. a year ago i was depressed. i lost the taste for music. my thinking was slow and muddy and life was like this dream. a movie i was watching. but now i'm getting back to being myself. i'm percieving things worth writing down. i'm creating in my head. i'm inspired and motivated.
but i understand that the whole world isn't just supposed to stop just because i'm ready to start living again. money isn't supposed to start growing on trees, it's not supposed to start raining friends. where do i start tho?
i guess i already have... this is the first thing i've written in months. MONTHS. like riding a bike....faster........
ya trick ya............
ya ya trick...........lol