I'm Proud of Hip-Hop

I grew up in the woods of Virginia on on a steady diet of grits, white people, and Viacom. The only ideas about blackness I got were from my home, of course, but then from television, and my wanttobe thug friends at school. Over the years I developed this hatred for hip-hop. An absolute disgust. And it had nothing to do with how the treated the women. It was more about how the men themselves were portrayed. The image of the thug as being hard and gangster. For me it was a prison, the standard by which my white and black friends, girls especially judged me. And since I wasn’t “hard” enough for them, I was considered, for lack of a better word, “soft”. And lets just say it affected me. Unfortunately. Moving on:
Hating hip-hop was also convenient being a church boy, and living in a God-fearing, middle-class house hold. If you haven’t noticed not all black people were created equal. Some have money, and some don’t. Some get their kids into decent school districts, some don’t. Some have money to support their kids dreams, some don’t. The two classes to not mix. I have seen my own family dissolve basically because of class. And it is so wrong. But honestly if I were to go talk to my cuzins right now, one of them would be speaking from a prison cell, the other would be talking about leaving prison. And it would probably be a good conversation, but just as well, it hasn’t happened yet.
The class division in the black division has a lot to do with hip-hop. For instance my parents and their friends say so many ignorant things about hip-hop without understanding it. Without even listening. From a spiritual aspect, they told me it was poision. They actually kept me from radio and television for as long as they could, I was like 12 before I got into my generations culture.
But now I am seeing the light. The [potential] beauty of hip-hop to me is that it is [can be] an BLACK SPACE FOR BLACK PEOPLE TO BE ARTISTICALLY AND ENTRUPRENUTIRALLY CREATIVE. A space for us to define our own astetics, write and live our own history.
If we call each other niggas, at last now we get to work our own fields. Eat the fruits of our own labor. Black people are making advances not just as artists but as businessmen. Diddy, Jay-Z all these cats are making it so that everthing can be done “in house” and potentially beneficial things can be done for the community, because unlike white people, these cats came from our communities. They understand us [hopefully].
I’m just honestly proud to be a part of this generation. Young. Gifted. Black.

jill scott resurfaces

i can tell u the exact night i fell in love with music. not the date, but i remember the night. 2001ish. jill scott live at the landmark theatre. she was pure magic. we made me feel things that were beyond me. the band was so inspiring. the way it wasn't just music but she acted, danced, joked, pondered, felt. all on stage. naked. the lights. the drama. the tension the release. i left with a feeling similar to the one i had the night i lost my virginity. just without the shame.
her new album, "The Real Thing" is due out [ ]. but she's currently on tour.

word on the street is she is going through a divorce from Lyzel. in E flat. .... it's just crazy to me. lets hope it ain't tru. how can she sing our favorite songs? but she did say
"if you have a nightmare, does it mean u stop dreaming."


well jill 4 real...i'm single....lol....

it's dangerous

being honest. my art is honest. it reflects me, good and bad. but when it's something that's too much i'ma give it a [ ]. fill in the blank type deal. i like when the reader has to infer things anyway. kinda like when u have u imagine what a intricate verbal description of something looks like. it becomes a collaborration. instead of just me saying everything. but yea, i'm scared. cause this is about it to get dangerous.

revolution always is. yours TRUELY-cb

remembering

yall aint ready...

clothes like memory

(for my Daddy)

I was folding clothes away
listening to music
pitch and idea and rhythm and memory
flying around in my head
friendly trajectory
the clothes like memories were full
of holes and stains and things I didn’t expect
I get to the tee-shirts
do the antiquated v-necks
then I get to the other kind
the sexy ones with no sleeves
the “beaters”. start thinking
remembering when We discovered these
together
it was a small gamble Ma took at Hecht’s
she bought a couple for me,
a couple for you
I remember you at home struttin round
in your drawers with your beater hugging
your big ole belly
smiling that beautiful perfect smile
there you go, absolutely hilarious
hilarious absolutely
walkin round with your arms up
talkin bout how good the air feels on your underarms
and as weird as it is I had to agree
you right
the cool air really do feel good
up under your arms
when they moist with sweat
from living this man life
you taught me so much about
we smiled a smile together
it glowed into this moment of clarity
we both crazy men. strong, tender men
with different smells, tastes, and experiences
and yet, in a very real way
I am you
and you are me

these moments exists in my forever
moments of goodfeeling i can take out when I need
put them on and feel them like
warm cotton hug on my skin
like cool air

that’s what Dads are for, yo

i wear you everyday under my clothes

everyday should b b-day

"it's very seldom that ur blessed to find ur equal."

these are some really recent and candits shots of b on a yachts anchored near Monte-Carlo, Monaco on June 15, 2007 and then later with Jay-Z in the South of France. utterly fly. utterly regal. but at the same time, very normal too. i think that's what makes b, b. the "Beyonce Experience" is coming to North America soon. i gotta get my tickets! i've seen some U'Tube clips, and she is nothing short of phenominal.

on the quote unquote real world

i live my life trying to stay afloat in this sea of absolute boredom. when u’ve lived long enough, not that I’ve lived that long, u begin to understand that people are basically self-seeking. and anything that seem like altruism or love is just incidental.

that’s why I dig kids so much. because they are so honest. honestly selfish. they want what they want. sooner rather then later. and they don’t tell lies. that, to me is the root innocence. not purity of intent, but honesty of intention.

last Friday I had the pleasure/chore of attending my cuzins Kendall’s graduation from preschool to kindergarden. or from kindergarden to first, I forget.

it was cute. i’ve got the most prettiest, coolist cuzin on the earf, mayne. everything about her is perfect. i want one just like her.

iv’e been thinking about graduation and what that means. i graduated from high school last year, and some of my friends and other cuzins are going to that process now. it’s just interesting to watch their excitement and optimism. life has this way of beating that shit out of u. maybe this was just me, but i was never excited about graduating. I distinctly remember everyone around me being excited, and I remember feeling this vauge kind of pressure to be excited, somehow because they were exciting. all it meant to me was that i was free of that system, those teachers, and those students. it wasn’t that I hated everyone in my highschool, it was just that I felt that I had so little control over who I hung out with. i was in these higher level classes, with no black people. ok, one black person. so my friends that I hung out with in the hallway, I didn’t get to chill in class with. i had to cut up and make class interesting all by myself, which I’m capable of, but it wasn’t as much fun.

but anyways, my first year out of college has stripped me of my ideals. well almost. i really used to believe i was meant to change the planet, to help people, ect ect. but reality is that u can’t do none of that when ur broke. it’s all a game. i don’t mean game as in trivial, i mean game as in the way slinging crack is a game, or the way the music industry is a game. we’re playing for money (in most cases). and just now i understand that loosing is not an option.

everything at this point is a hustle. everything. the way I look. my body. my speech. my handshake. my smile. my music. my writing.

and this is what i’ve learned so far about the real world. makes me want to go back. back to innocence. to kindergarden. with my cuz. and color. outside the lines

masculine feminine/kinda embarrassed

i love this song. and the video. but somehow i feel like i shouldn't. being a male. it's weird. i'm starting to feel like it's a womans world. women are so free. a women can be weak, and it's called being submissive, which is Biblically a admirable trait. they can be a bitch and it's called being progressive. malehood is so narrow. it's broadening some. but that's only when u stray into the realm of homosexuality. anything that doesn't fit into that box of "traditional maleness" is seen as being gay. i don't even like the term metrosexual, cause it sounds too much like homosexual. in this world it's like either u a thug or u gay. where is middle ground? y can't a nigga just be? y do we need all these labels? and then we wonder why everybody is so confused. am i this, am i that?

well as of today: calvin is. i am. simply.

brothers we have to free ourselves. no one will do that for us. not even our women. not even other brothers.

back to the video: so who is this girl? she sexy yo! i also feel bad for liking it cause it's so highschool. and i just got done with that shit. feels like a step backwards. talking bout her locker, and whatnot. YUCKY!

in closing: the dude in the blue was getting it!

we have to love ourselves enuff to be ourselves. to challenge and grow ourselves. regardless of how we are. regardless of this repressive society we live in. regardless of what we see as our mistakes and incapacities.

sometimes it's just hard to breath. i feel it too, yo.

[exhales]

Faith

it's so good to be breathing. life is such a gift. i know it's easy to loose that because life is life. an imperfect world with imperfect people. says my counselor. lol. this is just the firt time in a long time tha ti have felt like myself. and yo like,

it's worth it.

i just have to believe that. that it's worth it. why else would God put us here. i cannot believe someone that powerful would be that mean spirited. He is Holy. and now i kno he loved me regardless.

i am not what i do. i am who i am. says my counselor.

God loves us for who we are. that's deep. as he knew us when the world was dark, in our mother's wombs, as the hairs on our heads are numbered.

i just have to believe. because honstestly right now, it feels like that's all i got. that and a whole lot of hell.

but it's worth it. so begins the blog. officially.

a dream deferred pt. 1

Mel's Mood

she applies her eyeshadow
so skillfully it looks
like two sunrises
under her eyebrows
full of the pastels
that swim the sky
right before the sun arises
a wondrous mix of
blue purple and pink
all atop brown skin
that was good to look at
and even better to touch.

she was a singer
and being intelligent
she understood that image
was very much a part of it
so she got the job
at H&M
and the fly threads
for discount prices
for her and her family.

she was fine.
like butter.
in heels. in flats. in jeans. in skirts.
a distinctive style.
u couldn't buy that shit
in stores. not that way
she hooked it up
with the five dollar
sunglasses. the braclets and beads
from the vendors outside.

we met indoors.
at music. school.
what a paradox.
it was meant
to be
or not to be
that was never the question
but rather
was it beautiful? i say

yes.
beautiful like the colors
pregnant in the sky
as the sun births itself.

or later when the sun
dies it's daily suicide.
all good things must end.
even poetry.
love.

maybe God tryin
to tell me somethin.

just some simple questions

whatup fam. i can't wait to officially like, launch the blog. i plan to have daily updates, and to start another blog that's focused more on my music and making it in the industry. but i do have some questions.

1) how do you post a profile pic, son? i can post pics on my post, but nothing on full profile. wack.

2) if i have video content, how do u i post that?